THEOLOGY MEETS TECHNOLOGY (Humour)

17. May 2003, 20:54 | by WD Milner | Full Article |

I came across a couple of old computer humour files yesterday and as they are amusing I have posted them for perusal. The first one is about a good bit newer than the second which dates back to the 1970's.

 

Geek Theology - Author Unknown

In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero; nothing.

On the first day, He toggled the 0 to 1, and the Universe was. (In those days, bootstrap loaders were simple, and "active low" signals didn't yet exist.)

On the second day, God's boss wanted a demo, and tried to read the bit. This being volatile memory, the bit reverted to a 0. And the universe wasn't. God learned the importance of backups and memory refresh, and spent the rest of the day ( and his first all-nighter ) reconstructing the universe.

On the third day, the bit cried "Oh, Lord! If you exist, give me a sign!" And God created rev 2.0 of the bit, even better than the original prototype. Those in Universe Marketing immediately realized the the "new and improved" wouldn't do justice to such a grand and glorious creation. And so it was dubbed the Most Significant Bit, or the Sign bit. Many bits followed, but only one was so honored.

On the fourth day, God created a simple ALU with 'add' and 'logical shift' instructions. And the original bit discovered that by performing a single shift instruction, it could become the Most Significant Bit. And God realized the importance of computer security.

On the fifth day, God created the first mid-life kicker, rev 2.0 of the ALU, with wonderful features, and said "Forget that add and shift stuff. Go forth and multiply." And God saw that it was good.

On the sixth day, God got a bit overconfident, and invented pipelines, register hazards, optimizing compilers, crosstalk, restartable instructions, microinterrupts, race conditions, propagation delays and the Unix Operating System. Historians have used this to convincingly argue that the sixth day must have been a Monday.

On the seventh day, an engineering change introduced Windows into the Universe, and it hasn't worked right since.

 

The genesis.log from God's Unix System - Author Unknown

#In the beginning was the computer. And God said

%Let there be light!

#You have not signed on
%God.

#Enter user password.
%Omniscient.

#Password Incorrect. Try again!
%Omnipotent.

#Password Incorrect. Try again!
%Technocrat.

#And God signed on 12:01 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
%Let there be light!

#Unrecognizable command. Try again!
%Create light.

#Done.
%Run heaven and earth.

#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:02 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Monday, March 2.
%Let there be firmament in the midst of the water and

#Unrecognizable command! Try again!
%Create firmament.

#Done.
%Run firmament.

#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Monday, March 2.
#Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
%Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and

#Too many characters in string specification! Try again.
%Create dryland.

#Done!
%Run dryland.

#And God created Earth and Seas. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
#Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
%Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night.

#Unspecified type. Try again!
%Create sunmoonstars.

#And God created Sun, Moon, Stars. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
#Approx. funds remaining: $54.00.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
%Create fish.

#Done.
%Create fowl.

#Done.
%Run fish'nfowl.

#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
#Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Friday, March 6.
%Create cattle.

#Done.
%Create creepy things.

#Done.
%Now let us make man in our image.

#Unspecified type! Try again.
%Create man.

#Done.
%Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over of the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth.

#Too many command operands! Try again.
%Run multiplication.

#Execution terminated. 6 errors.
%Insert breath.

#O.K.
%Run multiplication.

#Execution terminated. 5 errors.
%Move man to Garden of Eden.

#File Garden of Eden does not exist.
%Create Gard.En.

#Done.
%Move man to Gard.En.

#O.K.
%Run multiplication.

#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
%Copy woman from man.

#O.K.
%Run multiplication.

#Execution terminated. 3 errors.
%Insert woman into man.

#Illegal parameters. Try again!
%Insert man into woman.

#O.K.
%Run multiplication.

#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
%Create desire.

#Done.
%Run multiplication.

#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
%Create freewill.

#Done.
%Run freewill.

#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
%Undo desire.

#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
%Destroy freewill.

#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Help!

#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Create Treeofknowledge.

#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
%Create good'nevil.

#Done.
%Activate evil.

#And God saw he had created shame.
#Warning: System error in sector E95. Man'nwoman not in Gard.En.
#1 errors.
%Scan Gard.En. for man'nwoman.

#Man'nwoman cannot be located. Try again!
%Search Gard.En. for man'nwoman.

#Search failed.
%Delete shame.

#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
%Destroy freewill.

#Freewill an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
%Stop!

#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
%Break
%Break
%Break

#ATTENTION ALL USERS: SERVER GOING DOWN IN 5 MINS FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST. PLEASE SIGN OFF NOW.
%Create new world.

#You have exceeded your allotted file space. You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.
%Destroy earth.

#Destroy earth. Please confirm.
%Destroy earth confirmed.

#SERVER SHUTTING DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME ON SUNDAY MARCH 8 AT 6:00 A.M. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW!
#And God signed off at 11:59 p.m., Friday, March 6.
#Approx. funds remaining: $0.00.

- 30 -

Categories: ,
Keywords: theology,technology,humour,ccomputer,unix,genesis

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